Heidi Hi-Hips

Glamorous diva Heidi Kooy hails from Nebraska so she likes corn. She used to dabble in the dark stage arts, but that was just a cover for her sinister alter-ego as an academic. Anyway, that's all in the past - after twelve years' intensive study both in and out of the shower, she has a beautiful, clear soprano voice that stuns audiences time and again (grown men dribble into their beer, slack-jawed...) Heidi's a hilarious lady and has written our dirtiest songs to prove it. Her stage presence is even bigger and brighter than her wigs; off-stage she surrounds herself with butterflies, faux fur and the brightest colors known to science. If you have any questions on fame or anthropology, contact Heidi.

Linda Long-Legs

Shy, retiring Linda Robertson is technically Scottish, but spent twenty-three years honing her English accent before coming to the US. She likes to be prepared. After many years pootling on the violin, she started squeezing a small, golden accordion and hasnât looked back since, only sideways. She's so nice and sweet and kind and lovely and talented and gorgeous and writes most of our most delightful songs, as well as honest, unbiased bios. You can contact Linda to book the band or get some great violin lessons, but if youâre looking for anal sex, forget it.

Terrific Tom

Tom Edler is a real man and a wonderful bass player. He's played upright bass since he was 13, when at 6â he was deemed "too big for the cello." But despite a long career in the seedy jazz underworld, he never had to wear pink before he joined Cotton Candy. If you ask nicely, he will drive you home, and may even may even introduce you to his lovely wife along the way. Tom comes from Milwaukee, and likes football, and old dusty kitchenware. He doesn't like guitarists or drummers. Contact Tom to talk sports, jazz and bakelite, or just to tell him how adorable he is.

Miraculous Matt

Miraculous Matt has been hailed as a musical demi-god and we love him. Two years ago, he tore out his deep southern roots for the glory of the San Francisco Conservatory, where he trained in the subtle art of the mallet. Since late 2002, he's been the new magic ingredient in the twisted Cotton Candy confection, and he couldn't be more pleased. Matt is a Capricorn (always right) and single and loves to pass the joy of percussion on to his fellow man; cash only. For lessons, advice on international tarrif laws or a rundown on Bjork's career, contact Matt.